It's one of those nights. I hate these nights. I miss my husband.
We've done this distance thing before. We're used to it. Honestly, now that the kids are older, it's not that bad anymore. We have our routines. I have help from the bigger kids. I have fantastic friends who help out when they can. I can handle this stuff on my own.
I don't need my husband to function. I can handle the day-to-day stuff by myself without him around. The fact is, I LIKE my husband. I actually want him around. I know this, combined with the fact that he's not an asshat is a shock to many folks. It seems to be the standard belief (and often practice) that husbands must be awful and wives should want to spend as little time as possible with them.
When he returned from his last deployment, he had a month off--a whole glorious month home with us. We loved every minute. A friend of mine, though, countered with, "You only feel that way because he just came home. By the end of the month, you'll be dying to ship him back."
Um...no. By the end of the month, we were sorry to see him go back to work.
I've known people who anxiously count down the days until a snippy spouse gets a vacation only to then immediately start counting down the days until their over-bearing spouse goes back to work. We've never been one of those couples.
I like having my husband around. He's smart. He's funny. He's hot as hell. He has good taste in movies. He's a genuinely nice human being. He's a great father. He really is a partner--we're in this together. We really do work together in most things (okay, so I wind up as the only one who cleans the bath tub 97.5% of the time no matter how many times I ask him to do it).
Yeah, obviously I love the guy. We've been together 14 years (OMG. I just realized that this year marks 14 years. Yeah, I gasped at that realization) and this year will mark our 12th wedding anniversary (Why yes, that was another gasp you just heard escape from my mouth. I knew last year marked 11 years so I have no clue how 12 managed to surprise me, but it did). But the simple fact is, I like him. After all these years, I still like him--really truly like him.
I don't know why tonight turned into one of "Those" nights. I'm not even sure how it did. I just know I suddenly and achingly miss my husband.
I'm trying not to let myself get too down. "Always look on the bright side of life," and all that jazz (and yes, if you heard the Monty Python version, you're doing it right). I really do know how lucky I am to be married to someone I still respect, still love and still like. Still, when I remember how fantastic he is, I get a wee bit frantic and I get the urge to yell at the sky, "Then why the hell can't I be with him?"
This house will sell. This house will sell. This house will sell quickly so that we can move and our family will be together again.
Could we just have that happen sooner rather than later, though...please.
Today is February 1st. 5 months apart