Monday, February 21, 2011

Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness

I've had a great couple of weeks. I've been very upbeat and positive.  I've played wack-a-mole with the Drama Llama and won.  I've enjoyed the company of great friends.  I've had an endless stream of potential buyers in the house.  True, sleep and I aren't BFF's lately, but I've still been in great spirits.  I realize how blessed I am and I've been pretty happy.

Out of absolutely nowhere tonight, I found myself having another one of those nights.  It's not even a whole night, just a sudden heavy heart in the past few minutes.

Miss the beard, but he's still hot.
I miss my husband.  It's not just the usual, "Wish you were here," type missing.  It's the, "I need you beside me RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW," type which should really be accentuated by ridiculous amounts of fierce punctuation.

Sometimes, I can pinpoint something specific that causes this longing;  a song, a phone conversation, seeing a sweet couple, an old photograph.  Tonight is not one of those times.  I have no idea where this came from.  It gave no warning.    Suddenly, out of nowhere, I had the overwhelming urge to be in my husband's arms.

I'm trying to stay positive.  I can't acknowledge this longing without realizing how blessed I am to have him in my life.  I know we won't be apart forever.  He's NOT in a combat zone this time.  Sylvr lynings, I haz dem in spades.

Still, I miss him and that's both wonderful and awful all at once.

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell.-Edna St. Vincent Millay


UPDATE (most likely a totally useless one, but I'm sharing it anyway) :

My husband and I met over an X-filed themed Rolling Stone cover in 1997 (we were both big X-philes, although I'm probably the only one of us who would willingly use that phrase and do so without rolling eyes).  While I still have the magazine (packed away now), we could never remember when exactly that was.  Turns out, the date on that issue is February 20, 1997.  So exactly 14 years ago.

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