Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Smallest Harry Potter Fans Say the Darnest Things

I've established that we're big fans of Harry Potter in this family.  Yeah, we're THOSE freaks.  

I was so excited to share the Harry Potter books with my daughters when they were old enough.  My husband and I read the first few books to them at bedtime when they were toddlers.  Now they're old enough to read them for themselves and OH BOY do they! At camp, my girls had nicknames:  Fred and George.  The younger of my twins (known as George at camp) has read each book at least 4 times.  She's frighteningly good at quizzes.  I got into Pottermore and she knew the answer to nearly every single quiz question without having to stop and think.  As if this isn't proof enough, we have a dog named Mischief-Managed.

One benefit of Potter-obsesssed older kids is that it trickles down to the younger ones.  This leads to much hilarity.

  • The other day, my 5-year-old son held up an empty paper towel roll and announced, "I'm Voldemort with the elderly wand."

  • ####

  • Yesterday, my oldest daughter and my son played Harry Potter with the youngest (who is 2).  They tried to make her take the roll of George.  She, however, protested, "But I have TWO ears."

  • ####

  • Immediately after that, she declared, "I'm Dobby."  She then began smacking her leg yelling, "Bad Dobby."

  • ####

  • The 2-year-old uses knitting needles as wands and casts spells on us all.

    • The same child sat quietly in the background while her sisters and I laughed until we cried at those unfortunate souls sorted into Hufflepuff.  Later, I caught her announcing, "Once I saw a bird.  I a Hufflepuff."  Let me tell you, there's little else a 2-year-old can say that's quite as funny as "Hufflepuff."*

    • All the kids got long stalks of rhubarb from the neighbor's garden.  Soon after, I had to announce, "Stop using your rhubarb as wands."

    *9/13 update:  Both of my twins have since been sorted into Hufflepuff on Pottermore.  Joke's on them.  My oldest, however, is thrilled because she heard that Jo Rowling was sorted into Hufflepuff.  

    Tuesday, August 2, 2011

    New Keyboards and Funny Penis-related Stories

    Look, ma, no gibberish.  I am the proud new owner of one of those new-fangled keyboards.  You know the type, the super expensive wireless type complete with all letters, numbers, and punctuation.  This is a big improvement over the last insanely expensive wireless variety that lacked all that other exciting and essential stuff.

    The lack of U's and H's made it impossible to type in my URL or even write my own name.  Of course, I was H-less on Harry Potter's birthday, so I got to wish a "appy birtday to arry Potter."  Apparently, when a keyboard is destroyed by water, it develops Hagrid's accent.

    Now that I have the entire collection of letters, numbers and punctuation at my fingertips, I can share this story which manages to be both penis-related and funny.

    Our children, like every other child who has come before them, like to repeat inappropriate mixed company.

    My husband was giving the two youngest a bath this weekend when our son (who never shuts the hell up is very talkative) felt compelled to ramble on about his penis.  The majority of the conversation/monologue is lost from my memory, the end, however, is a different story.

    The 5-year-old announced, "(blah blah blah; stuff and nonsense)...but I just have a kid-sized penis because I'm a kid.  Not Daddy, though.  He's a grownup, so he has a big penis.  Daddy, your penis is THIS big." (said while holding his hands quite a wide distance apart)

    At that point, I heard my husband tell him, "Now THAT you're allowed to repeat anywhere and everywhere you want."

    It was at this point that I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe.